


Sexualized dominance behavior -- another normal day in the DCU

by Petra



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Crack, Lists, Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-17
Updated: 2006-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-12 00:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petra/pseuds/Petra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim answers the question, "Have you... have you ever had your face pressed to the dirt and, you know, your ass in the air?" in many ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexualized dominance behavior -- another normal day in the DCU

Te: I'm telling Jack about how one of Glossing's stories is apparently inspired at least in part by the sexualized dominance behavior line.  
Te: Yeah, because Kon *would* tell you that, Tim, *sure*.   
_'Have you... have you ever had your face pressed to the dirt and, you know, your ass in the air?'_  
Te: And, well. There are so MANY WAYS Tim... would never actually answer that question. BUT:

1\. "Well, there was that one time when Batman decided we needed to bond, but, to be fair, my face was pressed to shower tile."

2\. "I... I'm not really sure *why* Ivy is so fixated on me."

3\. "Only when Oracle is feeling... social."

4\. "There was that time with Nightwing and the sex pollen."

5\. "I really didn't expect sex ed with Batgirl to *go* like that, but..."

6\. "Does it count if you're reasonably sure it was the ghost of your brutally murdered predecessor?"

7\. "Yes, but... it was for justice."

8\. "I promised Clark I wouldn't talk to you about that."

9\. "I promised Lois I wouldn't talk to you about that."

10\. "I couldn't reach the Kryptonite in time."

11\. "It turned out later, however, that it was only one of the Superman androids."

12\. "You know, he really doesn't look like me at all. Unless he's *asleep*."

13\. "I try not to think about that night in Paris very much."

14\. "Well, yes, but Arsenal's aim really is perfect."

15\. "It isn't actually that men aren't allowed on Themyscira, it's just that the price is higher than most are willing to pay."

16\. "Really, it was only until the implant scars started to heal."

17\. "I'd *heard* about strap-ons before, but I didn't think you could get them in that shade of -- well -- eggplant."

18\. "It was one of many things that made allowing Azrael to take over for Batman so difficult to deal with."

19\. "I tend to think of it as more of a hazing and/or training incident."

20\. "I find I am still not convinced by Batman's explanation that natural animal dominance behavior applies to Catwoman."

21\. "She promised me that next time, instead of being the naughty schoolboy, I could be the cruel priest."

22\. "The lasso is quite unbreakable, Kon. Even if one has good reason to try."

23\. "Well, Flash said that was what happened, but honestly it was over so *quickly*..."

24\. "Amazing what *willpower* can do when given a focus, isn't it?"

25\. "Does it count if the entire act was performed by a light construct?"

26\. "At least with my face in the ground, I couldn't get *beardburn.*

27\. "From what I had *heard*, he only felt that way about women too young for him -- at least until he returned from the dead."

28\. "And afterward he let me fly the Bug."

29\. "Does it count if the other party was an older version of myself?"

30\. "I know you're vulnerable to magic -- but I have to say, when someone says, 'Shazam' when they come? It's -- pretty amazing."

31\. "It would have been less traumatic if he hadn't started speaking in verse. I had to safeword."

32\. "Yes, but first he made a souffle, and there were handkerchiefs to deal with the... effluent."

33\. "It was only halfway through the sleepover, and forty-five minutes later he asked me to do it to him. And called me 'Batman.'"

34\. "No, but Bart certainly seems to enjoy it."

35\. "Yes, but Nightwing assures me that it's something of a rite of passage."

36\. "I wasn't aware that Kryptonian females were -- endowed, in that matter -- but it was quite impressive nevertheless."

37\. "I wasn't aware that Tamaranian females were -- endowed, in that matter -- but it was quite impressive nevertheless."

38\. "Why do you think they *call* her Power Girl?"

39\. "I think he was a bit put out that I managed to land that uppercut, but there was no call to react that way."

40\. "It would've been entirely adequate if he hadn't insisted on doing forty-seven crossword puzzles after."

41\. "I might have argued, but fishnets can be a remarkably effective gag when deployed properly."

42\. "I believe that was when I came to understand the technical definition of 'fraggin',' yes."

43\. "Connor is my friend, and I wanted to give him the opportunity to explore his sexuality in a safe setting."

44\. "It was necessary. He actually always says his name backwards upon ejaculation."

45\. "I am still not sure what exactly a 'mojo' is, but it seemed to be working well at the time."

46\. "Yes, but it was really only disturbing when he grew that carapace."

47\. "I lost the coin toss, Kon."

48\. "Not in the dirt, exactly, but the lens of the batsignal is quite uncomfortable against one's forehead when it's been lit for a time."

49\. "Perfect reflexes make it very difficult to resist such things, but I'm still not sure who paid him for that particular job."

50\. "Under the circumstances, I was very glad I'd provided her with latex gloves."

51\. "It really is impressive what can be accomplished with only an hour's worth of oxygen."

52\. "Apparently that's how *he* learned escape artistry."

53\. "I told her my name wasn't 'Jay,' but I'm afraid she was in a relatively deranged phase at the time."

54\. "The benefits of physical malleability cannot be underestimated, even though it did take a lot of -- careful washing -- to remove the residue."

55\. "By that time, I had almost forgotten the beard. If only he hadn't said, 'Is this Oedipus or Electra?' partway through, I could have maintained my illusions."

56\. "Yes, but to be fair, the positioning was almost certainly the result of a loss of... mass. Conservation."

57\. "He told me that after the internal injuries I'd sustained, it was the only way to keep me alive -- and that the, ah, physical measures he took were standard practice to deal with the after effects of the pit."

58\. "Yes, and I'm never going to allow myself to be drawn into an alleyway with a strange man again. I still have splinters from the toothpick or whatever it was."

59\. "I'm sure he wasn't planning on it, but when I threw him against the wall, it seemed to trigger a highly sexualized response. At that point, I could hardly allow someone of proven instability to exercise his will on bystanders -- even though his company is not what I might otherwise prefer."

60\. "It was either that or interpretative dance."

61\. "That *was* one electrifying visit to Washington."

62\. "It broke the mood somewhat when he paused in the middle for a can of that soda, whatever it's called."

63\. "It was a little stressful when he invited the dolphins."

64\. "I... really do wish my hat hadn't gotten knocked off. All things considered."

65\. "Oh my face in the ground wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the... surgery. As foreplay."

66\. "He'd miscalculated -- that wasn't, actually, my greatest fear."

67\. "It was worth it to find out about some of his technology. It really *is* amazing stuff, and he's been secretive about it even though we're teammates."

68\. "They really can sense fear."

69\. "I was somewhat perturbed when he turned into a lion partway through, but I can't say I was actually surprised."

70\. "It's very difficult to figure out how to move when someone is trying to tell you in hand gestures and your face is, as you say, in the dirt. Thank goodness for mind transfers, you know?"

71\. "Yes, but in his defense I think the business of merging personalities was still somewhat new to him."

72\. "Yes, but knowing your fondness for dangerous redheads, if you had known her back then, you'd have ended up in a similar state."

73\. "He may not have meant to smash my face into the ground. Depth perception, you know."

74\. "She may not have meant to smash my face into the ground. Depth perception, you know."

75\. "I would have found it much more distressing if she hadn't taken the precaution of dampening my emotions beforehand. But then, I would have found it much more arousing as well."

76\. "Yes, and let me tell you -- getting your tongue stuck to a pole isn't really the worst thing that can happen in cold temperatures."

77\. "All the tests say it's just a skin condition, but I must admit I felt some trepidation about the... jaw."

78\. "The... positioning wasn't really the problem. The wreckage afterward, however..."

79\. "You wouldn't think that a boomerang would be comfortable for penetration -- and you'd be right."

80\. "Well, he started in about privilege and tights and it just seemed best to let him work out a few issues."

81\. "I'm still proud of her for deciding not to turn evil, but it certainly was exhiliarating when she experimented with it. Even without the cleavage she still hasn't got."

**Author's Note:**

> (The above were by [](http://thete1.livejournal.com/profile)[**thete1**](http://thete1.livejournal.com/), [](http://buggery.livejournal.com/profile)[**buggery**](http://buggery.livejournal.com/), and [](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/profile)[**petronelle**](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/).)
> 
> The attributed and defined version is [here](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/231693.html).


End file.
